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Governor Swann : How’s it coming?

Elizabeth : It’s difficult to say.

Governor Swann : I’m told it’s the latest fashion in London.

Elizabeth : Well, women in London must’ve learned not to breathe.

~*~

Harbormaster: [to Jack ] What? Hold up there, you. It’s a shilling to tie up your boat at the docks. [they both look at the sunken boat] And I shall need to know your name.

Jack : What d’ye say to three shillings and we forget the name.

Harbormaster: Welcome to Port Royal , Mr. Smith.

~*~

Murtogg: Ah, the Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough, but there’s no ship that can match the Interceptor for speed.

Jack : I’ve heard of one, supposed to be very fast, nigh un-catchable…the Black Pearl.

~*~

Mullroy: You don’t have permission to be aboard there, mate.

Jack : I’m sorry, it’s just it’s such a pretty boat – ship. 

Murtogg: What’s your name? 

Jack : Smith or…Smithy, if you like. 

Mullroy: What’s your purpose in Port Royal , Mr. Smith ? 

Murtogg: Yeah, and no lies. 

Jack: Well, then, I confess, it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga,  raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out!

~*~

Norrington: No additional shots nor powder. A compass that doesn’t point north. [unsheathes sword] And I half expected it to be made of wood. You are, without doubt, the worst pirate I’ve ever heard of.

Jack : But you have heard of me.

~*~

Jack : You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before? 

Will : I make a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates.

~*~

Will : You threatened Miss Swann. 

Jack : Only a little.

~*~

Jack: Who makes all these? 

Will : I do! And I practice with them three hours a day! 

Jack : You need to find yourself a girl, mate! Or, perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch, are you?

~*~

Will: You cheated.

Jack : Pirate.

~*~

Prisoners: [whistling and waving a bone to a dog that has the keys to the prison in its jaws] Come here, boy. Nice juicy bone. Come here. Come on. 

Jack : You can keep doing that forever, the dog is never going to move. 

Prisoner: Oh, excuse us if we haven't resigned ourselves to the gallows just yet.

~*~

Jack: Come on, doggy. It’s just you and me now. It’s you and ol’ Jack , come on. Come on, good boy. That’s it, good boy, come on! Bit closer, bit closer. That’s it, that’s it, doggy. Come on you filthy, slimy, mangy cad. [there’s a crash downstairs and the dog runs away] No, no, no, no, no, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t...

~*~

Will : I can get you out of here. 

Jack : How’s that? The key’s run off.

~*~

Will : We’re going to steal a ship. That ship? 

Jack : Commandeer. We’re going to commandeer that ship. Nautical term. One question about your business boy, or there’s no use going. This girl, how far are you willing to go to save her? 

Will : I’d die for her. 

Jack : Oh, good. No worries, then.

~*~

Will : This is either madness or brilliance. 

Jack : It’s remarkable how often those two traits coincide

~*~

Gillette : This ship cannot be crewed by two men. You’ll never make it out of the bay. 

Jack : [points his pistol at Gillette ’s nose] Son, I’m Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?

~*~

Norrington: Rash, Turner, too rash. He is without doubt the worst pirate I have ever seen.

~*~

Jack : Thank you, Commodore, for getting us ready to make way. We’d have a hard time of it by ourselves.

~*~

Navy officer: That’s got to be the best pirate I’ve ever seen. 

Norrington: So it would seem.

~*~

Gibbs : [ Will throws another bucket of water at him] Blast! I’m already awake! 

Will : That was for the smell.

~*~

Elizabeth : I hardly believe in ghost stories anymore, Captain Barbossa.

~*~

Jack : [comes over to the voice and takes off the sailors hat, revealing a woman] Anamaria. [she slaps him] 

Will : I suppose you didn’t deserve that one either. 

Jack : No, that one I deserved.

~*~

Will : He roped a couple of sea turtles? 

Gibbs : Aye, sea turtles. 

Will : What did he use for rope? 

Jack : Human hair, from my back. Let go of the anchor!

~*~

Pintel: Once we’re quit of the curse we’ll be rich men. And you can buy an eye that actually fits and is made of glass. 

Ragetti: This one does splinter something terrible. [rubs it] 

Pintel: Stop rubbing it.

~*~

Jack : You know for having such a bleak outlook on pirates you’re well on your way to becoming one. Sprung a man from jail, commandeered a ship of the Fleet, sailed with a buccaneer crew out of Tortuga…and you’re completely obsessed with treasure. 

Will : That’s not true. I’m not obsessed with treasure. 

Jack : Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.

~*~

Pintel: [spots Jack ] You. You’re supposed to be dead! 

Jack : Am I not? Hmm. Puhluley, puhlulehvoos, parleli, parsmi, pasley, parle, parle… 

Ragetti: Parley? 

Jack : Parley! That’s the one. Parley! Parley! 

Pintel: Parley? Damned to the depths whatever man had thought of parley. 

Jack : That would be the French.

~*~

Barbossa: How the blazes did you get off that island? 

Jack : When you marooned me on that godforsaken spit of land, you forgot one very important thing, mate…I’m Captain Jack Sparrow.

~*~

Barbossa: So you expect to leave me standing on some beach with nothing but a name and your word it’s the one I need and watch you sail away on my ship? 

Jack : No. I expect to leave you standing on some beach with absolutely no name at all, watching me sail away on my ship and then I’ll shout the name back to you. Savvy?

~*~

Elizabeth : [the crew is running around] What’s happening? 

Anamaria: The Black Pearl, she’s gaining on us. 

Elizabeth : This is the fastest ship in the Caribbean. 

Anamaria: You can tell them that after they’ve caught us.

~*~

Jack : Stop blowing holes in my ship!

~*~

Barbossa: Why thank you, Jack... 

Jack : You’re welcome. 

Barbossa: Not you. We named the monkey Jack .

~*~

Elizabeth : But you were marooned on this island before, weren’t you? So we can escape in the same way you did then. 

Jack : To what point and purpose, young missy? The Black Pearl is gone and unless you have a rudder and a lot of sails hidden in that bodice, unlikely, young Mr. Turner will be dead long before you can reach him.

~*~

Elizabeth : So that’s it then? That’s the secret grand adventure of the infamous Jack Sparrow ? You spent three days lying on a beach, drinking rum?! 

Jack : Welcome to the Caribbean , love.

~*~

Jack :  No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade, the rum! 

Elizabeth : Yes, the rum is gone. 

Jack : Why is the rum gone? 

Elizabeth : One, because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two, that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire Royal Navy is out looking for me, do you really think that there is even the slightest chance that they won’t see it? 

Jack : But why is the rum gone?

~*~

Jack : Must’ve been terrible for you to be trapped here, Jack . Must’ve been terrible for you… Well it bloody is now! [spots the Dauntless] There’ll be no living with her after this.

~*~

Elizabeth : Commodore, I beg you, please do this. For me…as a wedding gift. 

Governor Swann : Elizabeth . Are you accepting the Commodore’s proposal? 

Elizabeth : I am. 

Jack : A wedding! I love weddings…drinks all around! I know…clap him in irons, right?

~*~

Will: Jack ! 

Barbossa: S’not possible. 

Jack :  Not probable. 

Will : Where’s Elizabeth ? 

Jack : She’s safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really except for Elizabeth who is, in fact, a woman.

~*~

Ragetti: This is just like what the Greeks done at Troy . ‘Cept they was in a horse instead of dresses. Wooden horse.

~*~

Ragetti: Oooh! 

Pintel: Stop that! I already feel like a fool. 

Ragetti: You look nice, though.  

Pintel: I look nice?!

~*~

Barbossa: I must admit, Jack , I thought I had ye figured. It turns out that you’re a hard man to predict. 

Jack : Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest... Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly… stupid.

~*~

Barbossa: So what now, Jack Sparrow ? Will it be it two immortals locked in an epic battle until Judgment Day and trumpets sound? 

Jack : Or you could surrender.

~*~

Elizabeth : Bloody pirates.

~*~

Ragetti: Is it supposed to be doing that? 

Pintel: They’re stealing our ship! 

Ragetti: Bloody pirates!

~*~

Pirate: I’m gonna teach you the meaning of pain. 

Elizabeth : You like pain? Try wearing a corset. Whose side is Jack on? 

Will : At the moment?

~*~

Norrington: You forget your place, Turner. 

Will : It’s right here, between you and Jack . 

Elizabeth : [stands next to Will ] As is mine.

~*~

Jack : [hums and takes out his compass] And really bad eggs. Drink up, me 'arties yo ho.

 

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